i can hear my skull cracking

Its been two weeks since Iv landed in Lima and I have to admitt that I imagined this to be quite different. Before I came here, I would dream about walking through the streets, going to the beach...and again the rality is so different...

There is so much on my mind at this point that I have to write it down in order to organize my memories and thoughts. It feels like my mind has already started to play tricks on me. Im having strange dreams in which I dont understand the languages. Its not english,spanish or czech. Sometimes I really get frustrated and embarrased when I know, that what I want to say is just way off my spanish capability. Feels like Im understaning better every day, from a class to class I would pick up some new words.Im trying to decode the intonation, the grammar... On the other hand I keep thinking in english and I easily slip to english conversation. Nightmare came true. 

I wish I can concentrate on only one thing at a time. The feeling you get when you climb a mountain, when you ski a s scary couloir... Whenever I put myself in a potencionally dangerous situation like that I only focus on that particular thing. I wish I was capable of this in a normal life. Instead my mind flies over the ocean to much, tries to figure out why there is these problems in my family, why do I have problems with Vera. Have you ever tried to focus on ONE thing for more than two minutes?

There is so many parallels with my first semester in Chicago when I was 17... 

My second stay in the states was a blast from the very beggining till the very end. Its so crazy to not understand, to not be able to express yourself. At the end of each day my head feels like its gonna explode. 

I love this place so much...